(909): Right now the trash can in the bathroom has so many used condoms in it I could start a sperm bank with your sperm. And I'm pretty sure the door handle is covered in lube.
(951): Haha the door handle has been covered in lube for awhile now....

(479): I think throwing the couch on the fire was a little more than the siding could handle

(954): Don't you hate when it's cold out and yu grab your nuts to take a piss and it's like instaShriv?
(1-954): Whoever this is...yes.

(714): U missed the party
(562): Damn

(989): 40 degrees have no effect on Main St bartenders during bike week

(207): is it possible to fit a cueball in your asshole? because I gave up.

(757): Im not seeing anyting that makes me wanna lick my laptop. I just wanna lick it.

(706): Definately don't remember sending nudes to this guy, but the photographs are proof

(714): Green girl bar

(804): Imma start callin your girl souljaboy the way she got one hit wonders...

(330): Do you like wanna fuck before friday cause thats when my abortion is and afterward im not having sex for a very very long time..

(303): For the last time, hooking up with minorities does not count as aFIRMative ACTION.

(226): We need to party with this guy...

(210): I love spring break

(760): Dude, Connor just took a freaking burger out of his pocket.