Get TWI: Texting While Intoxicated on the iTunes AppStore!
-51
(661): When you walk around your house with your pants half off yelling "cocktail!!" you're gonna get slapped!

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 11:45pm | 114 Comments

30
(682): They like to make out after they've had a lil to drink.. Hahahah

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 11:30pm | 19 Comments

-19
(203): I was at a bday party for a three year old. I farted into the party hat and put it on my girls face and put the elastic around the back of her head! Just another way to keep the relationship going

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 11:15pm | 16 Comments

-31
(302): So went to get my car today. Found door unlocked, keys in ignition in on position. My glass piece and rachels digital camera in plain view. Snow up to the windows and oh did i mention after i dug it out and gotta jump, i had to go to has station cause tire was flat.

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 11:00pm | 16 Comments

-25
(720): Dude that sex was as good as a snickers bar
(303): I'm allergic to peanuts

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 7:45pm | 57 Comments

58
(813): Where is a better place to hide, In a cave or a tree?
(585): Let me guess another one of your sex jokes

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 7:30pm | 13 Comments

-24
(850): Taping them together keeps me from losing them.

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 7:15pm | 29 Comments

-70
(251): Some guys can't handle Biloxi

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 7:00pm | 22 Comments

60
(410): yea that broadneck education

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 3:45pm | 55 Comments

-58
(909): Did you seriously pee in my bed you dirty bitch!

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 3:30pm | 17 Comments

-47
(610): you're still a thousand miles away from parking the meat bus in tuna town

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 3:15pm | 8 Comments

-57
(907): dont you hate when your about to cum and only a girls on the screen then a guy walks in and you cum? it makes me feel gay

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 3:00pm | 25 Comments

84
(515): If I go all donkey kong on your ass will you be princess peach so I can jump some barrels and get some like an Italian guy with a mustash?

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 6:30am | 74 Comments

-69
(856): I don't think she wanted it in the face but It looked kinda good on her with the barf on the bottom of her chin

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 6:15am | 12 Comments

-26
(253): I don't know if P. Diddy sleeps in the bathtub, but if he did... I feel just like him.

Posted Feb 08 2010 @ 6:00am | 6 Comments

Showing: 1 – 15 of 4452   1 2 3 4 Next