(661): When you walk around your house with your pants half off yelling "cocktail!!" you're gonna get slapped!

(682): They like to make out after they've had a lil to drink.. Hahahah

(203): I was at a bday party for a three year old. I farted into the party hat and put it on my girls face and put the elastic around the back of her head! Just another way to keep the relationship going

(302): So went to get my car today. Found door unlocked, keys in ignition in on position. My glass piece and rachels digital camera in plain view. Snow up to the windows and oh did i mention after i dug it out and gotta jump, i had to go to has station cause tire was flat.

(720): Dude that sex was as good as a snickers bar
(303): I'm allergic to peanuts

(813): Where is a better place to hide, In a cave or a tree?
(585): Let me guess another one of your sex jokes

(850): Taping them together keeps me from losing them.

(251): Some guys can't handle Biloxi

(410): yea that broadneck education

(909): Did you seriously pee in my bed you dirty bitch!

(610): you're still a thousand miles away from parking the meat bus in tuna town

(907): dont you hate when your about to cum and only a girls on the screen then a guy walks in and you cum? it makes me feel gay

(515): If I go all donkey kong on your ass will you be princess peach so I can jump some barrels and get some like an Italian guy with a mustash?

(856): I don't think she wanted it in the face but It looked kinda good on her with the barf on the bottom of her chin

(253): I don't know if P. Diddy sleeps in the bathtub, but if he did... I feel just like him.