(360): Lol does that make mr a whore?!? :o
(1-360): No, that makes you curious

(805): Do you think transformers take it up the exhaust pipe?
(1-805): Dude when yur drunk you need to stop thinking of crazy shit like that or I'm going to send the psych ward to your house to pick you up
(805): It's a yes or no answer

(270): amen

(805): You shouldn't have let me fuck that chick the other night it feels like I'm pissin razor blades
(1-805): That's what you get for fuckin my sister
(805): Fuck you I'm going to hit up your sister tonight and put it up her butt with my infeacted dick

(703): Oh dan is sending me a shirtless pic! I see a bad moon arising!
(1-703): I love you for using that song
(703): Oh forget he sent it. He's naked. And hot...

(239): lol not gonna type that out

(225): Works 60% of the time... Everytime!!!

(215): so you think sex and alcohol combined is stupid...?
(215): dont answer that.

(678): Well... he was (and I quote) "a really loyal and loving boyfriend" until i told him i taught yoga

(405): I blame jenny craig. She's not doing her job if i'm still fucking fat chicks.

(414): Blahhh who the fuck brought the sloppy drunk girl tonigh? She's passed out in my room.
(414): OMG SHE JUST FUCKING PISSED ON MY BED!

(303): You don't just "become a slut"...it's in your genes/panties or whatever. The point is we come like this out of the box.

(321): Yo seriously it is not cool having to clean up your own jizz
(1-321): What the...is this a large cleanup effort?
(321): One day i'll take pictures.

(860): Apparently it's "weird" that I save condom wrappers. I'm saving them to remember my victims...like Dexter.

(386): I didn't come to NYC to get fucked and left drunk in a cab in a city where I'm clueless
(1-386): Honestly? That sounds really awesome. I'm jealous.