(360): I wanna get stoned and have a underwear party. When you comin over.

(805): I needed to find a way to make my girlfriends ass famous without her knowing... Mission impossible just became mission successful. :)

(214): sharing is caring

(817): Just thought I would share lol

(484): Thank you sir may I have another

(903): Gotta love Texas girls

(480): That's the daughter of the Guitarist from Slayer. Beat that.

(734): Sometimes I wish it was socially acceptable to slap bitches for saying stupid shit

(520): And bro they said they can drink to handles without throwing ...epic fail
(1-520): How far did they get
(520): A snapple bottle worth, and that's why I say epic fail

(480): You like? They are new ;)
(602): No, I am pretty sure your walls have been painted for a while now...
(480): Oh fuck you then.

(270): she asked to give me road head. I said "what if I wreck" she said "keep on suckin!" and began... I wasn't sure what to do. so I put on my seatbelt and put it in cruise control and let her do her magicccc. (;

(310): Knock knock
(1-310): Who's there
(310): I fucked your sister last night
(1-310): Ok, we're even now, I fucked your girl last month when u went to NY
(310): Fuck you

(860): Apparently it's "weird" that I save condom wrappers. I'm saving them to remember my victims...like Dexter.

(209): I came. She can't see. I conqwhored.

(480): Drunkenly thougt this was my new iPhone. Cried for an hour because I though I had broken it.