(828): I love maid outfits

(361): Well...Im fcked
(1-361): Because she's 14 or because she's "pregnant"?

(801): 801

(859): I asked to see her titties...

(619): He put it on my hot dog!!He told me it was mayo. It's soo over.

(940): we support good beer!

(318): I understand how scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there is no fucking way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around the rock and leave it immobile? Why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors why can't paper so this to people!? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody! A rock would tear that sh!t up in like 2 seconds. When I play rock paper scissors I always choose rock. The when somebody claims to have beaten me with paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "oh shit I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!"
(1-318): I love you.

(516): All mine

(567): Bar night?
(1-567): Good night

(561): whooped!

(909): Id put my halloweenie in that

(734): Is it normal if she asked me to scale from 1 to 10 how bad her vagina smelled?

(860): She just used her finger to take a drip of precum off my dick and licked her finger! It was pee!
(212): And you felt her sister needed this text why?

(443): Good time

(760): I just pulled over and pissed on the welcome to Texas sign...I feel like I fullfilled my duties as a Californian :)